


the past you that still haunts me

by randombellarke



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Angst, Emotional, F/M, Hurt, I don't know what I'm doing, Love Confessions, Oneshot, The 100 (TV) Season 7 Speculation, This is my first work so go easy on me, bellamy is evil, clarke has hope, i don't know how to tag, void!bellamy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:42:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24350737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randombellarke/pseuds/randombellarke
Summary: After getting captured by a strange new enemy, Clarke finds herself in another new survival situation startlingly similar to Mount Weather. The one question on everyone's mind is where is Bellamy? Clarke gets her answer but it's not the one she wants when she notices Bellamy is acting differently.(Season 7 Speculation)
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 60





	the past you that still haunts me

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first work so please go easy on me. I was inspired by twitter today to write a void!bellamy AU where he acts like a different person. I don't want to spoil so I hope you enjoy it!

Clarke woke up with a pounding headache and a million questions. 

The last thing she remembered was traveling to the icy looking planet with Raven, Jordan, Miller, and Niylah. The group had used the anomaly stone, but it was blown up after it was used, leaving the group alone and without a way out.

Trapped on a new planet with nothing but ice for miles was a bit unsettling, but before anyone could say anything, Clarke had felt a huge blow to the side of her head and the last thing she saw was darkness.

Now, waking up, Clarke was nervous. Where was she taken? Where were her friends? Who were these people that had taken her? Why? And one more question had been ringing in the back of her mind ever since she found out less than a day ago- _Where was Bellamy?_

With a dulling headache and a sharp pain in her wrists, Clarke tried to pull herself together. She felt her ankles and wrists tied up by something. It wasn’t rope, it was something that felt stronger-more metallic even.

Finally, she forced her eyes to open and was immediately welcomed by blinding white. At first, she could’ve thought she was outside and being blinded by the sun. But after her eyes began to focus, she realized that she wasn’t outside; she didn’t even have a window to know if there was a sun on whatever planet she was on. No, she was surrounded by four white, blinding walls. _Just like Mount Weather._

“Great. Here we go again,” she mumbled to herself. She tried to move but was instantly greeted by resistance. She was placed in a chair and was facing a white wall that had an equally white door in the center of it.

She tried to still her breathing and slow her pulsing heart so she could attempt to hear something; anything. But all she could hear was the deafening sound of silence except for her pounding heartbeat that echoed in her ears that she had failed to slow.

What was she supposed to do in this situation? At least Mount Weather had a tiny window on her door that showed Monty across from her and the name of where she was. But here? There was nothing. She looked down and realized that she was still wearing the same clothes. She was wearing her new black leather jacket and boots. She was the only thing different in the room. The dark contrast was blatantly noticeable.

Just as she was adjusting to her new situation, she heard a noise. It was faint, but it was there. She heard slight voices uttering short and quick sentences.

“Okay, the next one is in there. You know what to do. Don’t mess this up.”

The voice was unrecognizable and she didn’t hear a response. Although, the voice was extremely faint and she could barely hear the first one, so she had no clue if the other person had responded.

She was already back in survival mode. Assessing her surroundings and immediately taking note of how many people were around; and if she could take them out.

Just as she was thinking about how she would get out, there was a louder noise coming from right in front of her. Someone was coming in.

She had her brave face on and was ready to face whatever this person had to throw at her. What she didn’t expect to see was the one person who was constantly on her mind:

Bellamy Blake.

She let out a sigh of relief and was instantly greeted with a wave of reassurance. Just seeing him again was enough to calm her down.

“Bellamy,” she breathed out gratefully. “Thank god. You have to help me so we can save our friends and get out of this hellhole.”

Although Clarke was visibly relaxed, Bellamy didn’t show any of the same signs of emotions she felt. She took another good look at him and noticed all the changes.

The most noticeable thing was that he was wearing an all-white outfit: matching the walls that surrounded them. The only contrast was his warm skin on his neck and face. His usually unruly curls were pulled back and were calmer than normal. Finally, his face was clean-shaven. No more beard. It reminded her of her Bellamy. 

_Her Bellamy._ The one she led side by side with, the one who pulled the lever in Mount Weather with her, and the one she watched leave all those years ago.

This was the Bellamy she knew before Praimfaya. The one where she could read him with a single look. The one who she knew inside and out and it was just the same for him.

It wasn’t that Bellamy now was all that different. But after Praimfaya, after spending six years apart and calling him every day, she was greeted with a new person on the ground. 

It was still Bellamy, but along with his new appearance, he didn’t act all the same. He took her advice. He started listening to his head, instead of his heart. He thought that she was dead for those six years and he took her advice as her dying wish.

A part of her wished he hadn’t. A part of her wished she could’ve welcomed her reckless, strong, and compassionate other half back to Earth. But instead, the roles were reversed. He had taken her advice to heart all those years ago and became what she told him to be. While she had Madi and started thinking with her heart.

Part of her Bellamy came back to her after he saved her from the Primes. She could sense it. That insane need to protect the people he loved had come back after she was “killed”.

But now, staring him in the face, it hit her all at once. Just how much she had missed this Bellamy. Her Bellamy.

“Hey Clarke. Welcome to Bardo I guess. Don’t worry, I’ll get you out soon. For now I’m pretending to be one of them.”

There was something off about the way he spoke. The Bellamy she knew always had a touch of passion in whatever he spoke about. His eyes usually lit up when he was happy or his face dropped when he was terrified. Clarke knew Bellamy better than she knew herself.

But now.

Right now, there was nothing.

His face was emotionless. His eyes showed none of the warmth they usually do. He was practically a different person. Again.

“Bellamy, are you okay?”

He looked at her and there was still no recognition of emotion on his face. His eyes were dark and his stony expression hadn’t wavered.

“Yeah. Yeah I’m fine. I’m just tired.”

His response didn’t seem very convincing, but Clarke was too overwhelmed at the fact that he was here. Alive. And right in front of her.

“Yeah. That makes sense.”

“Look, I don’t have much time. I just wanted to tell you that it’ll be over soon.”

Clarke nodded and Bellamy moved to make his way out of the room. But before he could, Clarke spoke up to check one last thing.

“Reminds you a lot of Mount Weather doesn’t it?”

He had his hand on the door handle and he turned back to look at her. Now, there was an emotion that landed on his face: confusion.

“You know, the mountain that we irradiated together to save our people?”

His confused expression didn’t change, but still he muttered, “Yeah. That.”

Clarke knew something was off. He may not have shown it, but Bellamy took as much blame if not more for the genocide at Mount Weather than she did, and she knew that when it was mentioned, he would always get this look on his face. But now, his face remained slightly confused but mostly emotionless.

Something was wrong.

“Bellamy, what’s wrong? What’s going on?” she asked skeptically.

“Nothing Clarke!” Bellamy called back rather hatefully. 

He never said her name like that. Even when he was mad at her, he never said it like that. He always said it warmly. He always said it like she mattered. Like she was important to him. The way he had just said it made her skin crawl. Maybe this wasn’t her Bellamy at all.

“Bellamy, something’s not right. First you don’t remember Mount Weather and now you’re not even acting like yourself! Come on Bell. I know you, and this isn’t you.”

He finally took his hand off of the door handle and turned his whole body towards her. He started walking slowly towards her and his face broke out into an evil looking sneer.

“Very good Clarke,” he said condescendingly. “They told me you were perceptive but I doubted you at first. Looks like you pleasantly surprised me."

Her realization that she was right sent her into a panic.

“Bellamy, stop. Who’s they? What did they do?!”

“Shut up,” Bellamy said. His voice wasn’t emotionless anymore, but it morphed into something full of hatred and disdain. 

“Bell, what did they do to you?” Clarke asked softly. No matter what happened, it was Bellamy. And she wouldn’t treat him differently just because something that was out of his control caused him to be like this.

“I said, SHUT UP!” Bellamy yelled.

The volume of his voice and how much pure hatred it contained truly terrified Clarke. She had never seen him like this. He was always so soft and caring, and even during those first few weeks on the ground all of his words and actions came from a place of love. Either love for his sister, or his love for each and every one of the original hundred. He always put his heart into everything he did. It's who he is. And Clarke wasn't about to let that go. Not by a long shot.

“Bell, this isn’t you. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here. But I’m here now, and I promise you. I will do everything I can to get you back. You’re my family Bell. You’re too important to me.”

“I said shut up!” he yelled again. His voice falters a little though and that gives Clarke a sign that he’s not completely gone.

“It’s okay Bell. It’s gonna be okay. I promise,” Clarke continued with a soft tone.

“Stop. Talking!” In an angry rage, Bellamy pulls out a gun from his back pocket that she didn’t know he had. He brings the gun up and aims it at her head. 

“I’ll shoot you. I’ll do it if you don’t shut up.”

Clarke turns her head and looks him dead in the eyes.

“That’s not who you are, Bell. I know you won’t do it.”

He laughs. But it’s not the same laugh that usually escapes his lips. This laugh is dark, almost maniacal. It isn’t warm, or gentle, or inviting, or one of the best things she’s ever heard. Clarke doesn’t want to admit it, but she is scared. She’s scared of who this person is. Because she _doesn’t_ know this person. She knows _Bellamy._ And she knows that part of Bellamy is still in there, so she will do anything to get to that part.

She has hope. 

She has hope because they are both still breathing.

It’s what he said to her before the end of the world, and when she felt like everything was weighing down on her shoulders. It was advice that she would listen to until the day she died. She trusts Bellamy. She will _always_ trust Bellamy. 

When he stops laughing a short second later, that’s when she’s drawn back to reality.

“Oh Clarke, you know nothing. You see, unlike the rest of your friends, you were the only one to figure it out. You're smart. I'll give you that. But it also means that we don’t need you. You have no use for us. So I suggest you close your goddamn mouth before I put this bullet in your brain and speed up this inevitable process.”

Clarke stills. Had no one else figured it out? Did not one person figure it out that this wasn’t Bellamy? Even Raven who spent six years with him on the ring? It didn’t make any sense. But why would he lie? Even if he was acting like another person, Clarke could still read Bellamy’s body language. And she didn’t see his lip move slightly upwards or his nose twitch the tiniest bit, which are his tells. 

So if he was telling the truth, then she needed to say a few things first.

“Not yet Bell,” she continues with her ever so soft tone of voice.

“I don’t know what they did to you Bellamy, or why. But what I do know is that you must be so angry at yourself for letting it happen. Deep down you think that you weren’t strong enough. But that’s not true. You are _so_ strong Bellamy. You always were. But, if you need forgiveness, I’m giving that to you now. I will always forgive you Bellamy.”

His hand shakes but his grip seems to tighten. She doesn’t waver though. She needs to get this out. She needs to say this at least once before she finally dies.

“You are so important to me Bellamy. I hope you know that. And I hope that after I’m gone, you remember everything that happened between us because you made me who I am. The heart and the head. That’s us Bell. Together. It’s always together. Just know that I love you Bellamy.”

His whole arm is shaking after those final words leave her mouth. She looks at his eyes and she sees a wave of emotion pass through them. He’s fighting this. She knows.

A second later there’s an enormous roar coming from Bellamy as he screams bloody murder and throws to gun away from Clarke and into the wall. It hits the wall with a loud thud and then clatters to the ground.

After that it’s dead silence except for Bellamy’s heaving breaths. He’s angry and frustrated. She can tell. All she wishes is that she could reach her hand up and hold his face to try to comfort him in any way she can. But when she tries to lift her arm, she is instantly greeted with that damn rope again and is reminded that she can’t move.

“You’re not getting out of those restraints,” he says finally.

He looks at her again and she can practically see the war going on in his head: _Kill her. Don’t kill her. Do it. Don’t do it._

Something happened to him that created that voice. The one that is telling him to kill her. Yet, he is so strong that he fought it off and turned it down. She knew he could do it.

“Would you mind helping me out here then?” she replies sarcastically.

For a split second she sees his arm twitch as he goes to reach for her bound wrists but he stops himself. She sees his eyes close and a pained expression forms on his face. The voice is hurting him. This wasn’t like Alie in the City of Light. Alie took control of your whole body and erased your painful memories. Bellamy was a different person, and when he tried to disobey the voice, he was being hurt. _This must be torturing him._ Does he even know what he’s doing?

She shakes her head to tell him to stop. She doesn’t want to hurt him anymore. Not for her. She’ll figure out a way to get out. She always does. She just hopes Bellamy is okay.

“It’s okay Bell. I’ll be fine,” she tells him. After staring at the floor and trying to regain his composure, he looks at her again. His eyes are still dark and unfamiliar, but there’s something more recognizable in them that wasn’t there before. 

“I have to go,” he says quietly. Clarke nods because she understands. He starts to make his way back towards the door and he has his hand on the handle again. He looks at her one last time before sighing and opening the door and walking out. And just like that he’s gone. He walked away, taking the remaining pieces of her heart with him. She still didn’t know how she would get out of this stupid room, but she’s Clarke Griffin. She’ll find a way.

She looks around the room again and she sees something different from earlier just laying on the floor a few feet away from her;

He left the gun.

  
  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it. This was just me manifesting the Bellarke reunion coming in the next few episodes because thats the next time we are gonna see Bellamy which I'm still mad about. Leave kudos or a comment if you want to :) have a nice day


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